hehe, many many times have i seen people have this problem... what you need to do is use the -h command. ill use my 3dsmax5 as an example, but if youre not using 3dsmax5, it will still work the same. JUST, do not put 3dsmax5 if youre using 3dsmax8 or something, because it wont work then lol
you need to open the 3dsmax icon properties (right click the desktop icon, and click properties). now, where it says "Target" it should say something to the extent of "C:\3dsmax5\3dsmax.exe" .... what you need to change that to is "C:\3dsmax5\3dsmax.exe -h" . and then click apply and then click ok. now, double click the 3dsmax icon.
now, when it loads, and before it completely loads, there will be a popup that says "Graphics Driver Setup". select "OpenGL" and the click ok. it should be fixed now.
now that it is fix... what you need to do is go back to the 3dsmax properties (right clicking the 3dsmax icon and clicking properties) and where it says "Target", replace it with what it used to be... by removing the -h command, so it should then say "C:\3dsmax5\3dsmax.exe" once again. then click apply and then click ok...
you should be all fixed now if you did everything
enjoy
*EDIT* i also just noticed that you said
"so far I have tried opengl/direct 3d" ... did you use the -h command already? well, if the opengl doesnt work (even know ive never heard of it not fixing it by changing it to open gl), theres still 2 options to try on the driver setup popup lol